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Bat Out Of HellIn the morning ill be gone gone gone April 09 Euthanasia A Ok!!!People should have the human right to choose to die.
Its all about the right to choose really. Abortion is similar. A bunch of Middle aged Male politicians sit around in parliment expressing outrage for anyone who has the bad taste to have an abortion and condemning it because of religion, ethics, whats for dinner tonight. But really its all about the mothers right to choose. Only a women can give birth, and only a women can make that descion. What happens if the right to choose is taken away?? What alternatives are left? People still have abortions, albeit backyard abortions, which are dangerous and possibly life threatening. People in chronic pain still commit suicide, but they die alone, painfully and cause tremendous shock to the loved ones who find them dead. Giving people a right to choose takes control of the situation. Right now people in chronic pain, and who have terminal illness can only choose to die if they have enough money to fly to Mexico and Switzerland. Most people don't because they spend their life savings on hospital bills and palliative care. I think a particular 80 year old had it right when she yelled at the Minister for Aging (who is completely against euthanasia) because he was only 31, and "Why the hell was a strapping young man in charge of the aged when he didnt know what it was like to be old, in pain and dying". That makes sense. That sweet old biddy even went so far as to tattoo her chest with the words " DO NOT RESUSITATE", and she claimed " if anybody dared to bring her back from death he would wish he had never been born". God, i hope im like that when i'm old!! March 21 Watermelon and Crab: A Rhapsody Dear Reader,
You may find yourself asking in the course of your life.....How can Watermelon and Crab be similiar??? This line of questioning may start at Sesame Streets nefarious game 'Which one is not like the other one?". You may think, why so nefarious? Well i will enlighten you from your poverty of thought, the game started out quite innocently, but has influenced an entire generation of children to be "isters". Isters are people who are ageist, racist, sexist, ect. You see, they lookf for people who are the odd ones out and then harass them. So, my recommendation is for any aspiring evil genius
to take over childrens shows are corrupt them.
Anyway, back to watermelons and crab. Why are they similar? Well you should never eat either in front of people you wnt to impress. Only eat them in front of people who lov eyou so much they dont care about the watermelon juice dripping down your face, and how you look like an overgrown drooling baby. March 14 Whales fight Back!!!!Today a Japanese Fisherman was drowned as a random whale upturned his boat! Yeah! Go Whales! Get back at those Japanese Whale eating Freaks! No need for Greenpeace when endangered species take things into their own hands...or should i say flippers? Thats what i call pro-active!
Also
Met a random girl outside my class at uni, and her name was Rebekah Monique Marlow, and my name is Monique Rebekah Mitchelson. How random and freaky is that? March 03 Extra Extra! Step right up folks! Yes it has been scientifically proven that emos will live longer than normal people?? GASP!! How you may ask??? Well a team of scientific developmental pyschologists actually tracked 2 groups of children over 80 years. The first group had the highest levels of happiness and cheerfulness and the second group had the lowest level of happiness and cheerfulness in their grade. It turned out that instead of happyness and cheerfulness predicting and long and wonderful life, it was a powerful predictor of dying early.
This is good as it means i will live for a long.....long time! Plus all those irritating super happy cheerleader people will die early! Perhaps it is genetic selection?? And as the generations pass the human race will get progressivly more depressed?
P.S.
One customer at work the other day lived at 69 Love St
And another lived at 16 Hovel Road.
BAHAHAHA February 22 Amusing VinagerettesOdd Names Of Customers At Work:
Mr Mew-must of been very popular when Pokemon was a fad
Mr King-Roach-All men are Cockroaches, but this one is the King of the lot
Mrs Butkiss- She was the ass-kissing smarmy girl everyone hated at school
Mr Schlong- Need I say more???
Mr William Williams- Some parents are so cruel.
Why Men Are Roaches...
-They are the only creature that can survive a nuclear bomb-so when you are mad at them they keep popping back up in your life.
-They swarm you and eat you alive
-They are filthy
Funny Story on News Tonight:
Ex-footy player turned bus driver was given citizens award after seeing a thief steal from a bookshop and tackling him to the ground. (guess moron jocks DO come in handy after all) Yet Bookshop owner decided to let thief off the hook after he discovered the thief stole several SELF HELP books. BAHAAHAHAHA. February 17 Why I Hate Valentines day-AgainI know this isnt related but i saw a "lube-mobile" the other day trolling the streets. Wouldnt that be an interesting job?? Can you imagine me , marcusse and laura patrolling the streets, and serving,... I mean servicing our Community. Providing much needed lubrication in situations where too much friction over time can cause a fiery explosion. What were you thinking of you sick bastards?? I was talking about car breakdowns!
Back to my bitterness about Valentines Day, the only day of the year where I think I could be pregrant because I feel nauseous whenever I step outside. You ask me my reasons for this utter disgust and loathing of this oh so "joyous" day.
A) My asshole of an ex-boyfriend dumped me last year on this hallowed day
B) THIS year I crashed my car
Relax relax, everybody I'm ok (hey i heard those smothered cries of "dammit! why couldn't she just make our life easier by dying. Thats ok sweetie, I will hang on grimly to life out of pure spite)
Basically, I had a fight with my mum, then when i reversed out the garage I accidentally forgot to close the door, and it sort of went through the garage wall. Anyway my car door couldnt close, so the next day I had to tie the door TO my car with a shoelace and a piece of green string. I then drove through Cleveland at 10km/hr feeling like a complete retard, hoping that the darn thing wouldnt fall off. THEN as I crawled around the roundabout these truckies saw me and burst out laughing, gave me a few honks and proceeded to open and close their truck doors as they drove past. Oh, the shame. December 05 IM ON THE RADIOIm being intereviewd by ABC Brisbane Radio tomorow morning between 7:30-7:45am on the FUneral Parlour Issue. THe station is AM612 if you want to tune in. December 02 OMG Im Famous! Death has made me appear to live more???Yes, so it would seem. Well well, who would have thought, little Monique Mitchelson, a politial activist you say??? NOOO...never would have suspected it! Apparently I'm some sort of Joan of Arc, protector of the old people, wielding the sword of justice that will scithe through the petty squabbling of the Redland SHire COuncil. Cue: Villain music.
YEs, the company who wants the funeral parlour just one street away from my house is "standing up for the right of dead people, who natrually cant speak for themselves to be cremated amongst their loved ones (literally as the mourners only live 5 metres away) in peace and tranquility. Er...yes its an island of serenity....if you care to ignore the quadruple lane highway on one side and squalling children, angry teenage music and domestic disputes from the residents on the other 3 sides. Well im sure the dead people will feel the serenity, but their opinion doesnt really matter, because their not the ones forking out thousands of dollars for a funeral, are they?
THeres no helping it, some people are quite daft. If given the choice of having a funeral parlour cheek by jowl, spewing out carinogenic chemicals (ok, this is amusing, apparently the Queensland Health and Safety Guide for the FUneral Industry instructs funeral parlours MUST ventilate the carcinogenic chemicals into the surrounding atmosphere so the workers health doesnt suffer...er hello!!! I happen to LIVE IN that surrounding atmosphere????!!) and having something else there, say a community centre , some silly old cows actually have the gall to sneer " Well what would you rather have there instead of a funeral parlour cum crematorium? (as if they possess all the aces in that one question) Err... let me see....how bout a Community centre where i can go to learn bellydancing, a childcare centre, a convenience store..the list is endless.
THis situation is rather remininscent of 'The Castle'. Little MOnique Mitchelson up against the corrupt moneyloving Council. Except in the movie Lil MOnnie wins. Well fictional situations, just like cliches come about because they are drawn from real life and happen over and over again. SO perhaps I DO stand a chance. I have gotten into the paper twice, I've made speeches to the Council, had a chat with the Deputy Mayor, and been visited by the CHairman of the Council Meetings. WHo knows? November 28 BILLY JOELHallelujah!
I have died and gone to heaven!
You know i never believed in religion....until I went to the Billy Joel Concert that is. That HOLY HOLY MAN. He is BRILLIANT. He really is THE ENTERTAINER. Hes' a comedian to boot. I quote "its not about getting more hair, its about getting more head".
As there were no projector screens so we could see closeups he took the liberty of describing himself to the audience. "Im about 6 foot 3, musclebound, with long flowing blond hair". LOL! He even made a few cracks about his FIRST ex-wife, how the song Honesty was written for her, but its complete bullshit! His piano spun around in full circes and he went nuts at one point, playing the piano with his butt and feet! I imagine Elton John would be tame by comparison. Then for 'Big Shot' he whipped on this cap backwards and acted like Saxon Farnworth did at school: a complete cock! Most of the audience were old people, i swear there wasn't more than 50 people my age there. So when an impromptu mosh pit formed at the front it was hilarious. Tim and Renee got FRONT Row tickets...dam them!!! Apparently this old lady was trying to make lavacious gestures to poor Billy, and at the end he gave her the finger! LOL! The absolute highlight of the night was at the very end when he played the final song...Piano Man. There was this moment in the chorus when him and the band just stopped playing and the WHOLE stadium was swaying and reverberating with the sound of 10, 000 voices singing. It was a religious moment. It was one of the best nights of my life. I swear that no other performer..apart from David Bowie can top Billy Joel. September 07 Its a Small World After AllLast night I was waiting at South Brisbane train station to go home when a tall, blong guy on the other side of the tracks sat on the bench directly opposite to me. HE seemed familiar, could it be? So i stared at him, then when he stared at me i looked away, then when i looked back he quickly looked away. BIG sense of de ja vu. Finally i stood up and asked " Excuse me, are you Nathan?" He nodded and yelled " Monique?" We both grinned like cheshire cats and waved at each other madly.Just as i was about to ask him what he was doing in Brisbane his train whooshed past, obscuring everything. Dammit. We waved again as he got on the train, both shaking our heads at the weirdness of it all, and it left. Very 'Sliding Doors'. I wonder if we will meet again?
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